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  Kold Radio, Whitefish Bay

Comedy by Phil Olson

72 pages

5 m, 4 w, 1 girl, 1 male voice-over


KOLD Radio is located in a corner of Carl and Lena's Place for Beer in a small Minnesota town near the Canadian border. Lars Knudsen is the host of a radio show called "Crappie Talk," devoted entirely to ice fishing for crappies. Because it is a somewhat narrow subject, Lars has no listeners, so he loses his only advertiser, Ole's Bait Mart and Deer Petting Farm. Martha Bjorklund, Lars' unrequited love interest, hosts "Book Beat." She has all the listeners, and all the advertisers. Lars has issues with Martha ever since she beat him in the 50-yard dash in 6th...

  Holy Stromboli

Farce by John D. Smitherman

67 pages

4 m, 3 w


John and Maria are happily celebrating their first wedding anniversary when Maria's mother, Nicolette, shows up unexpectedly. Nicolette announces that she is divorcing Maria's father, Sal, because he forgot their 27th wedding anniversary. And if that isn't enough to ruin John and Maria's celebration, Sal pays a visit. A fight breaks out, and one thing leads to another until, eventually, Sal and John end up sleeping in the guest room. This leaves Maria no other choice but to share a bed with her talkative mother. To save his sanity and his own marriage, John s...

  You Can't Beat the House

Comedy by Pat Cook

68 pages

4 m, 6 w


"I've had trouble breaking into a house before but this is the first time I've had problems breaking OUT again!" So moans Merle to his partner, Howie. These two minor-league burglars have really met their match this time, it seems. They decided on a house only to find, after managing to get into the place, that it's up for sale and before they can leave, Conrad and Glenda, prospective buyers, show up. Merle figures they have two choices - either pretend to be real estate agents or beat it, making the buyers suspect them and call in the police. Merle begins to...

  Alfred Hitchcock Taught Me Everything I Know

Comedy Mystery by Pat Cook

70 pages

7 m, 8 w


Maura Milton applies for a bookkeeper's job at the home of one Tyrone Bartholomew. However, she soon finds out there isn't ONE Tyrone Bartholomew but many. The spry old actor flies from one character to another whenever dealing with the outside world - and that world seems to involve secret codes, hiding people, dodging gangsters with guns, and harboring a wild-eyed lady with an ax. Naturally, Maura starts to question her career choice. By the time the police turn out not to be the real police, Tyrone seems to be the only sane one around! Audiences will be ke...

  Coming Back to Jersey

Comedy by Carl L. Williams

58 pages

3 m, 3 w


Howard, a middle-aged tailor, indulges in daydreams to escape his humdrum existence. Norma, his suspicious wife, believes he is fantasizing about Dorothy, a sexy widow friend, so she comes up with a scheme to have Dorothy passionately flirt with Howard to test his fidelity. But Norma's plan backfires when Howard retaliates by conniving with Dorothy to turn the trick around. Soon Norma is threatening divorce and conspiring with a widower in a romantic charade to make Howard jealous. When the mixed-up couples are spotted having intimate dinners for two by Howar...

  The Canterville Ghost

Classic by Pat Cook

59 pages

5 m, 4 w


Adapted by Pat Cook From the short story by Oscar Wilde. Hiram and Lucy Otis can't wait to move into their pastoral English manor house...just as soon as the ghost moves out. That's right, Canterville Hall comes complete with a howling, green ghoul, but only if Sir Simon (the ghost) can remember to bring the green mist with him. This classic Oscar Wilde tale spins the Otis family through a maze of dithering maids, blustering bosses and an English realtor who's always looking for a free lunch. The mystery unfolds amid flashes of thunder and disappearing guests...

  Nosferatu: Legend of Dracula

Horror by L. Don Swartz

76 pages

21 characters. 6 to 8 men, 8 to 10 women,


No modern-day monster can equal the chill factor than that of Dracula and his nosferatu, the undead who must feed on the blood of the living to exist. Their lust, shown only in the darkest hours, haunts even the bravest of us mortal souls. This adaptation of Bram Stoker's 1897 novel is done with a sure and steady hand by frightmesiter L. Don Swartz. We encounter Dracula's horror from his centuries-old castle in Europe, to the ship he travels on, and finally to his new feeding grounds near an English asylum. When Dracula causes the death of a young woman named...

  Murder Me, Murder Me Not

Comedy Mystery by William Springer

79 pages

3 m, 3 w


Randolph Gaston has been murdered, and everybody is after the insurance money (including the deceased). The characters we meet are the grieving widow, the girl next door, the family maid, the minister, the French inspector, and the confused boyfriend -- BUT everyone isn't necessarily who they seem to be. A series of double (and double-double) crosses, mistaken identities, fake accents, hidden bodies, and phony mustaches all add up to a completely intriguing comedy.

  The Money in Uncle George's Suitcase

Comedy by Pat Cook

72 pages

3 m, 5 w


When Uncle George invites his whole family up for a weekend of fun at his rustic cabin, he actually wants them together so he can read his will. But between the bequeathing and his rambling stories, George drops the bomb that somewhere on the property is a suitcase holding four hundred and eighty thousand dollars! What follows is a hilarious farce of pettiness, slander, and greed. The relatives end up wrestling each other, falling down the stairs, and getting stuck in the furniture. "Yep, we're gonna have lots of fun!" says George as he's seen carrying a shov...

  The Longest Day of April

Comedy by Christopher L. Pankratz

59 pages

8 m, 14 w


When Max Holsten sets out for work leaving behind his briefcase and an unfinished breakfast, his quaint 1950s family is besieged by a series of misunderstandings that fester into conspiracy theories and suspicions. The extended family Max and his newlywed wife, April, have been living with are no comfort. April’s sister June has an obsession with pulp-fiction intrigue and leads April to assume the worst about Max. Making matters murkier, Grandma May, the aged and easily confused matriarch of the family, misstates all the facts. Max’s seemingly simple oversigh...

  Quirk of Fate

Comedy by Pat Cook

72 pages

Cast: 7 m, 12 w


How could a box of cornflakes almost start a world war? Writing an ad campaign for Hampton’s Medicated Cornflakes is tough, especially when you have to get paid immediately to not get evicted! That’s what faces Rosie, Max, and Sid, who hit upon the idea of quarantining their own office to keep out their demanding landlady. But when a man stumbles in, stabbed in the back, it’s a whole new ballgame. Now, nobody can leave since it’s become the scene of a crime. More police show up along with a legal secretary, a Russian travel agent, a handsome doctor, and worst...

  Scrambled

Comedy by Pat Cook

74 pages

6 m, 8 w


Purdy, who runs her Showtime Café famous for such dishes as “Fistful of Dollar Pancakes” and “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Ham,” is getting ready for a food critic, hoping for a great write-up. But that’s the least of her worries when she learns her old boyfriend is back in town. She and Austin made a pledge that if they weren’t hooked up with anyone else in twenty-five years they’d get together. Amelia and Celia, two gossips, have it all over town in no time! Jeanie, the teen who works for Purdy, thinks it’s so romantic and soon she and Cody Barnes get engaged! ...

  If the Good Lord's Willing and the Creek Don't Rise

Comedy by Pat Cook

68 pages

4 m, 5 w


This zany comedy, in the spirit of Kaufman and Hart, centers on Doc, an eccentric old man whose house caters to all sorts of characters. Now a retired judge, he spends his days “enjoying life.” When he’s not flying around the countryside in his balloon or fishing in a nearby dry riverbed, he works on his books of nonsense. This prompts his daughter, Charlotte, to decide he’s lost his marbles. So, conspiring with a sly lawyer, she plans to not only become his guardian but also sell his house and property. Throw in a psychologist on her first case, love sick te...

  Revenge of Ichabod Crane

Mystery by L. Don Swartz

64 pages

5 m, 4 w, 6 children


Inspired by the short story “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” by Washington Irving. Whatever became of that pale, lanky school teacher Icabod Crane after a Headless Horseman threw a pumpkin at him? Ichabod is either really angry at the way he was treated or he's dead. Or, because this is Sleepy Hollow, he may be both! This Agatha Christie-like adaptation is set in the present. The first act is a faithful retelling of the story by Washington Irving with a contemporary Ichabod living in secluded Sleepy Hollow that has not changed in three hundred years. Still consi...

  Invitation to Murder

Comedy by Whitney Ryan Garrity

59 pages

3 m, 5 w


Lord and Lady Lexington have picked a rather beastly night to throw a haunted house party in their newly acquired home, Foxworth Manor. Oddly, the guest list appears to be made up of disparate and desperate strangers. There's the pretty secretary, the acerbic gossip columnist, the local physician, the flighty real-estate agent and a handsome, but somewhat surly young man. Foxworth Manor has a tragic history, and this evening will prove to be no exception. As the storm rages on outside, the guests suddenly discover that not everyone is quite the stranger they ...