Pat Cook

Pat Cook got his first taste of seeing his work in print while still in high school in Frankston, Texas, writing for the school paper. Then, during the summers, he wrote a column for his hometown newspaper. It wasn't until college, however, when he saw the movie version of Neil Simon's "The Odd Couple" that he decided to try his hand at writing plays. His first one-act, "The Boys in the Halls," a play about dorm life, was produced at Lon Morris Junior College in 1968 and has since vanished in some forgotten trash can. After moving to Houston he soon found other writing assignments at AstroWorld and in educational radio, night clubs and local television. His first play was published six years later. Still, writing was only a sideline along with several other odd jobs, which included playing piano in pizza parlors, acting in local commercials, industrial films and on stage, building scenery and selling pianos and organs. However, more plays got published and along the way, his wife, Rose Ann, taught him the joys of using a computer. This, coupled with his conviction to everything else and write full time, proved to be a turning point in his life. He has more than a hundred plays published by seven publishers. Many of these plays have been translated into Dutch and German. Further, he is also published in Eldridge's religious drama catalog (www.95church.com). He firmly believes that old saying, "The harder I work, the luckier I get," and that everyone has a story to tell, a dream to pursue. "And, believe me, if I can do it, anybody can!"

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  The Rubber Room

Comedy by Pat Cook

62 pages

5 m, 6 w


You ever wonder what goes on in a teachers' lounge? Here is your chance to snoop on a gang of educators who'll do anything to relieve the boredom. Whether it is planning ambushes for the principal or dressing up as Vikings, this particular group is beyond compare. That is, until they find out one of them has written a book and used the rest of the staff as examples! Accusations fly like spitwads. Hand-to-hand combat breaks out just when Superintendent Brooks shows up ready to fire Principal Carp and just ahead of a newspaper reporter who asks, "Don't you want...

  If the Good Lord's Willing and the Creek Don't Rise

Comedy by Pat Cook

68 pages

4 m, 5 w


This zany comedy, in the spirit of Kaufman and Hart, centers on Doc, an eccentric old man whose house caters to all sorts of characters. Now a retired judge, he spends his days “enjoying life.” When he’s not flying around the countryside in his balloon or fishing in a nearby dry riverbed, he works on his books of nonsense. This prompts his daughter, Charlotte, to decide he’s lost his marbles. So, conspiring with a sly lawyer, she plans to not only become his guardian but also sell his house and property. Throw in a psychologist on her first case, love sick te...

  Not a Creature Was Stirring

Christmas Comedy Holiday by Pat Cook

69 pages

4 m, 5 w


Missing the Christmas spirit? Has the Yuletide you up in knots? Then subscribe to the Herald Tribune, where editor J.J. Garnes makes sure he uses the holiday to his own advantage, whether it be to expose the crooked mayor or sell a few more issues with just the right angle. And he thinks he finds that angle when he receives a letter from a small boy who "don't want no more Christmases." Delilah and Sarah, Garnes' assistants, are equally cynical until they find a "Wish Moose," a Christmas ornament that grants their fondest wishes. Do they believe? It's up to B...

  Alfred Hitchcock Taught Me Everything I Know

Comedy Mystery by Pat Cook

70 pages

7 m, 8 w


Maura Milton applies for a bookkeeper's job at the home of one Tyrone Bartholomew. However, she soon finds out there isn't ONE Tyrone Bartholomew but many. The spry old actor flies from one character to another whenever dealing with the outside world - and that world seems to involve secret codes, hiding people, dodging gangsters with guns, and harboring a wild-eyed lady with an ax. Naturally, Maura starts to question her career choice. By the time the police turn out not to be the real police, Tyrone seems to be the only sane one around! Audiences will be ke...

  Three Musketeers...All Swash and No Buckle

Farce by Pat Cook

60 pages

7 m, 8 w, extras


Here is our version of the Dumas classic. Young D'Artagnan seeks to become a musketeer, or at least see if that brochure about Paris is true. In the city for less than ten minutes, he finds himself facing all three of the musketeers when they are charged by Rochefort and the Cardinal's Guards. This spoof of seventeenth century France pulls out all the stops and is full of outrageous characters from a lying Cardinal who's into magic to Milady DeWinter who cannot get rid of her mother. Throw in a narrator, several star-crossed lovers, a race on stick horses and...

  Crazy Quilt Club

Comedy Mystery by Pat Cook

65 pages

1 m, 8 w (or 9 w)


Veronica Blather is a sweet little old lady who spends most of her time knitting and solving murders, most of which occur whenever she shows up. Understandably she has a problem finding a place to live. When her niece invites her to stay at a retirement home for old knitters, it seems ideal - until one of its members dies from drinking poisoned punch. Who did it? Was it Matilda, the president of the Crazy Quilt Club, or Lydia, who likes to die on Tuesdays? Could it be Clara, who's a compulsive liar, or the wisecracking Sarafina who doesn't trust anybody and c...

  The Joker Fired Twice

Comedy by Pat Cook

74 pages

5 m, 6 w


"I wasn't expecting anything to happen," intones detective Ace Baxter, "and that's just when anything CAN happen!" And happen it does, as Ace finds himself in a locked room standing in front of the only exit with a murder victim who was shot in the back ... and with Ace's own pistol. Shadows loom large when you're on the lam, as Ace finds out, whether he's disguising himself as a cleaning woman to inspect the scene of the crime, or ducking Sergeant Flint, who's chomping at the bit to clamp the cuffs on Baxter. The Professor helps out when he can, vowing to al...

  The Money in Uncle George's Suitcase

Comedy by Pat Cook

72 pages

3 m, 5 w


When Uncle George invites his whole family up for a weekend of fun at his rustic cabin, he actually wants them together so he can read his will. But between the bequeathing and his rambling stories, George drops the bomb that somewhere on the property is a suitcase holding four hundred and eighty thousand dollars! What follows is a hilarious farce of pettiness, slander, and greed. The relatives end up wrestling each other, falling down the stairs, and getting stuck in the furniture. "Yep, we're gonna have lots of fun!" says George as he's seen carrying a shov...

  Mobile Home, Sweet Home

Comedy by Pat Cook

62 pages

4 m, 6 w, 4 flex


“How’d you like to be on television?” This question, posed by future daughter-in-law Anne, takes Loff DuVall by surprise. After all, he and May June had been running the Hampton Court trailer park for more years than either would care to admit. The last thing he’d want now is to be in some reality TV show. In fact, he was hoping he and May June could get away for a while, take a long vacation from the place. He wouldn’t have to listen to Goose Halford’s long stories, such as how his grandpa has a metal plate in his head. “The kids used to catch him asleep and...

  Scrambled

Comedy by Pat Cook

74 pages

6 m, 8 w


Purdy, who runs her Showtime Café famous for such dishes as “Fistful of Dollar Pancakes” and “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Ham,” is getting ready for a food critic, hoping for a great write-up. But that’s the least of her worries when she learns her old boyfriend is back in town. She and Austin made a pledge that if they weren’t hooked up with anyone else in twenty-five years they’d get together. Amelia and Celia, two gossips, have it all over town in no time! Jeanie, the teen who works for Purdy, thinks it’s so romantic and soon she and Cody Barnes get engaged! ...

  The Big Day

Comedy by Pat Cook

64 pages

Widely flexible cast, from 12 to 40+


You ever have a "Big Day"? We all have. Not quite like this group, however. Take the case of Butch and Murph, who decide to hold up a bank only to find that Murph is the "one millionth customer!" amid a flurry of confetti. Or little Phoebe, whose class assignment was to write a 500-word essay on her "Big Day" in which she tells of her birthday party where the dog set the couch on fire. We see the invention of the wheel and what it was REALLY for. And then there's Lucille, who gets her first driving lesson from her father ... the church pie sale being only one...

  Money to Burn

Comedy by Pat Cook

69 pages

4 m, 7 w


It's business as usual for Wilson and Associates, a suspiciously funny firm consisting of three flat-broke lady con-artists. They'll do practically anything to meet the rent, from reading horoscopes over the phone to renting themselves out as graveside mourners. One client, a dithering old lady, absent-mindedly drops the tidbit that she has just held up the local bank and the action springboards from there. The girls find themselves in a web of arson, counterfeiting and robbery and then, their worst fears are confirmed, the Better Business Bureau shows up! On...