Pat Cook

Pat Cook got his first taste of seeing his work in print while still in high school in Frankston, Texas, writing for the school paper. Then, during the summers, he wrote a column for his hometown newspaper. It wasn't until college, however, when he saw the movie version of Neil Simon's "The Odd Couple" that he decided to try his hand at writing plays. His first one-act, "The Boys in the Halls," a play about dorm life, was produced at Lon Morris Junior College in 1968 and has since vanished in some forgotten trash can. After moving to Houston he soon found other writing assignments at AstroWorld and in educational radio, night clubs and local television. His first play was published six years later. Still, writing was only a sideline along with several other odd jobs, which included playing piano in pizza parlors, acting in local commercials, industrial films and on stage, building scenery and selling pianos and organs. However, more plays got published and along the way, his wife, Rose Ann, taught him the joys of using a computer. This, coupled with his conviction to everything else and write full time, proved to be a turning point in his life. He has more than a hundred plays published by seven publishers. Many of these plays have been translated into Dutch and German. Further, he is also published in Eldridge's religious drama catalog (www.95church.com). He firmly believes that old saying, "The harder I work, the luckier I get," and that everyone has a story to tell, a dream to pursue. "And, believe me, if I can do it, anybody can!"

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  Dis-Order in the Court!

Farce by Pat Cook

61 pages

7 m, 6 w, extras as desired


First came Judge Wapner, then Judge Judy. Now comes Judge Clapham. But his court is a little more, shall we say, colorful than most. People come to court to bring announcements of car washes, to hold quilting bees and to drop off their mortgage payments. And what starts out as just another lazy day suddenly changes when shyster lawyer E. Z. Miles has the Judge marry two people madly in love...only to find out that the groom is on trial for embezzlement and the only witness against him is his new bride. "A wife cannot testify against her husband, right, Judge?...

  The Fat of the Land

Comedy by Pat Cook

61 pages

3 m, 7 w


All the ladies at the Thelma Underwood Health Resort are either trying to date Duncan, the new counselor, or plotting how to get rid of Mr. Loggins, a sinister investor with visions of turning the place into a parking lot. Well, most of the ladies are plotting. Francis is busy mugging the cab driver for his Baby Ruth. And just when Duncan makes a play for the secretary, a newspaper reporter shows up to blow the lid off the place. Ulterior motives, hidden secrets and outrageous situations boil up in this all-too-human comedy about what some people will do to l...

  A Tough Act to Follow

Comedy by Pat Cook

69 pages

with doubling, 7 m, 7 w


Leo Mintz, a one-time big shot Broadway agent, now represents bird acts, roller-skating kids who recite poetry and flea circuses. However, Leo's problems are just starting when a known gangster Louie DeMarco "persuades" Leo to represent his protege with no discernible talent, the lovely Christine. As if this weren't bad enough, Leo promptly falls in love with her. "They should just type up a label which reads 'East River' and slap it on our foreheads!" scowls Liz, the secretary and bouncer for Leo's agency. Then, to throw everyone off the track, Leo stages a ...

  The First Thanksgiving According to Dwayne

Comedy Holiday by Pat Cook

22 pages

4 m, 6 w


"Four score and seven years ago, Christopher Columbus drove his Plymouth on a rock." This is just one of the tidbits of American history according to Dwayne. When asked in class to explain how America celebrated its first Thanksgiving, he launches into the most lopsided account imaginable. Father and Mother of this Pilgrim family get talked into hosting the event. "You have the table," the Preacher explains. And we finally find out how such Thanksgiving staples came about. "I can't believe we're having turkey," Mother groans. "Hey, I ran over it with the mule...

  Live, Onstage!

Farce by Pat Cook

26 pages

4 m, 4 w


Professor Featherflowers comes on stage and begins her lecture, "How to Write a Play." You're snoring already, right? That's exactly what the Stage Manager is worried about when he peeks through the curtain and tells the Professor to "jazz it up," that she needs to open with a joke. The professor then tells him she did. "You see," she says, "You don't really exist - I made you up. YOU are my opening joke!" Needless to say, he doesn't believe her and calls for his sound person, Shirley, to come out. The Professor then tells them both that they aren't real and ...

  Luau for King Lear

Comedy by Pat Cook

72 pages

3 m, 9 w


The Peaceful Glen Memorial Players are about to mount a new production, but this time, it's a fight for their lives. It's not just the usual hand-to-hand combat between board members Duncan and Hope for the last donut. This time the company is about to lose their building. According to the late Archibald Donnelly's will, they could keep the building as long as they do "quality productions." Oh, they have tried, in their own left-field way, to do the classics. "Isn't it true," family heir Blair Beesley asks, "that you did 'Twelve Angry Men' with five actors an...

  Saga of Prospector's Daughter

Melodrama by Pat Cook

71 pages

7 m, 7 w, and extras (doubling possible)


Here's a hilarious melodrama spoof whose oddball characters seemingly ad lib their way through the wildest plot ever to come down the pike. Lovely, innocent Constance Purdy is about to lose her home to that villain-about-town, Wiley Schlink. Will hero Monroe Mannerly ride to the rescue in time? Will her long-lost prospector father show up and save the day? These questions aren't really answered because we're laughing too hard at the sheriff who has a mortgage on her own jail, a medicine man who ends up in a dress, and a saloon-smashing suffragette whose ax wo...

  Attack of the Lake People

Comedy by Pat Cook

64 pages

5 m, 5 w


"I wish just once we could have a family get-together without somebody getting tied up!" This plaintive request, yelled at the top of her lungs by Aunt Clarise, gives you a pretty good idea of how family reunions go for this particular gang. Peri has taken her husband Graham to the family lake house to finally meet the clan. And Graham was looking forward to it. That is, until he gets overcharged by the taxi service, takes a large swig from the Major's private stock and has a wax apple stuck in his mouth, only to be dislodged by a slap on the head. It's littl...

  Aunt Ollie's Home Away From Home

Comedy by Pat Cook

77 pages

5 m, 5 w


Aunt Ollie has been having a hard time keeping her hotel open and her brother, Earl, isn't much help. Ollie has one hope in keeping her "Home Away from Home" open with investor Judith Pomeroy. Unfortunately, before Judith can get a good look at the place, she accidentally gets a generous dose of Earl's recipe for moonshine. Add one UFO-logist, a psychology major, a fat sheriff and a conniving competitor and this hotel starts looking more and more like a real "home"! Int. set.

  A Little Christmas Spirit

Christmas Holiday Play by Pat Cook

55 pages

4 m, 5 w, 2 girls


J. D. Morse has been looking high and low for a special Christmas gift for his grandson. Finally, as a last resort, he wanders into Nick's Emporium, an old-fashioned store chock full of all sorts of gifts and knickknacks. He has a hard time explaining to Nick what he's looking for, but finds himself falling under the old storekeeper's spell. Just when Morse is about to buy something, he runs to the street to chase kids away from his car. When he returns, he finds the store suddenly dark and quiet. A policeman then shows up to run him off because, "This place ...