Pat Cook

Pat Cook got his first taste of seeing his work in print while still in high school in Frankston, Texas, writing for the school paper. Then, during the summers, he wrote a column for his hometown newspaper. It wasn't until college, however, when he saw the movie version of Neil Simon's "The Odd Couple" that he decided to try his hand at writing plays. His first one-act, "The Boys in the Halls," a play about dorm life, was produced at Lon Morris Junior College in 1968 and has since vanished in some forgotten trash can. After moving to Houston he soon found other writing assignments at AstroWorld and in educational radio, night clubs and local television. His first play was published six years later. Still, writing was only a sideline along with several other odd jobs, which included playing piano in pizza parlors, acting in local commercials, industrial films and on stage, building scenery and selling pianos and organs. However, more plays got published and along the way, his wife, Rose Ann, taught him the joys of using a computer. This, coupled with his conviction to everything else and write full time, proved to be a turning point in his life. He has more than a hundred plays published by seven publishers. Many of these plays have been translated into Dutch and German. Further, he is also published in Eldridge's religious drama catalog (www.95church.com). He firmly believes that old saying, "The harder I work, the luckier I get," and that everyone has a story to tell, a dream to pursue. "And, believe me, if I can do it, anybody can!"

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  Alfred Hitchcock Taught Me Everything I Know

Comedy Mystery by Pat Cook

70 pages

7 m, 8 w


Maura Milton applies for a bookkeeper's job at the home of one Tyrone Bartholomew. However, she soon finds out there isn't ONE Tyrone Bartholomew but many. The spry old actor flies from one character to another whenever dealing with the outside world - and that world seems to involve secret codes, hiding people, dodging gangsters with guns, and harboring a wild-eyed lady with an ax. Naturally, Maura starts to question her career choice. By the time the police turn out not to be the real police, Tyrone seems to be the only sane one around! Audiences will be ke...

  Quirk of Fate

Comedy by Pat Cook

72 pages

7 m, 12 w


How could a box of cornflakes almost start a world war? Writing an ad campaign for Hampton’s Medicated Cornflakes is tough, especially when you have to get paid immediately to not get evicted! That’s what faces Rosie, Max, and Sid, who hit upon the idea of quarantining their own office to keep out their demanding landlady. But when a man stumbles in, stabbed in the back, it’s a whole new ballgame. Now, nobody can leave since it’s become the scene of a crime. More police show up along with a legal secretary, a Russian travel agent, a handsome doctor, and worst...

  Attack of the Lake People

Comedy by Pat Cook

64 pages

5 m, 5 w


"I wish just once we could have a family get-together without somebody getting tied up!" This plaintive request, yelled at the top of her lungs by Aunt Clarise, gives you a pretty good idea of how family reunions go for this particular gang. Peri has taken her husband Graham to the family lake house to finally meet the clan. And Graham was looking forward to it. That is, until he gets overcharged by the taxi service, takes a large swig from the Major's private stock and has a wax apple stuck in his mouth, only to be dislodged by a slap on the head. It's littl...

  Mobile Home, Sweet Home

Comedy by Pat Cook

62 pages

4 m, 6 w, 4 flex


“How’d you like to be on television?” This question, posed by future daughter-in-law Anne, takes Loff DuVall by surprise. After all, he and May June had been running the Hampton Court trailer park for more years than either would care to admit. The last thing he’d want now is to be in some reality TV show. In fact, he was hoping he and May June could get away for a while, take a long vacation from the place. He wouldn’t have to listen to Goose Halford’s long stories, such as how his grandpa has a metal plate in his head. “The kids used to catch him asleep and...

  A Tough Act to Follow

Comedy by Pat Cook

69 pages

with doubling, 7 m, 7 w


Leo Mintz, a one-time big shot Broadway agent, now represents bird acts, roller-skating kids who recite poetry and flea circuses. However, Leo's problems are just starting when a known gangster Louie DeMarco "persuades" Leo to represent his protege with no discernible talent, the lovely Christine. As if this weren't bad enough, Leo promptly falls in love with her. "They should just type up a label which reads 'East River' and slap it on our foreheads!" scowls Liz, the secretary and bouncer for Leo's agency. Then, to throw everyone off the track, Leo stages a ...

  Frankenstein, Together Again

Comedy by Pat Cook

65 pages

5 m, 5 w


Helga Frankenstein figures the best way to get rid of all those nasty stories about the family castle and her relatives is to turn the place into a tourist resort. And her very first guests are vacationing Americans Chandler and Lindsey Page. Lindsey just loves the place but Chandler keeps seeing all sorts of odd things, such as some of Junior Frankenstein's "experiments." And the old ranch has just everything: werewolves, mad scientists, sooth-saying gypsies and the usual angry mob of villagers who storm the castle from time to time, just to break up the mon...

  The Joker Fired Twice

Comedy by Pat Cook

74 pages

5 m, 6 w


"I wasn't expecting anything to happen," intones detective Ace Baxter, "and that's just when anything CAN happen!" And happen it does, as Ace finds himself in a locked room standing in front of the only exit with a murder victim who was shot in the back ... and with Ace's own pistol. Shadows loom large when you're on the lam, as Ace finds out, whether he's disguising himself as a cleaning woman to inspect the scene of the crime, or ducking Sergeant Flint, who's chomping at the bit to clamp the cuffs on Baxter. The Professor helps out when he can, vowing to al...

  Uncle Neddy's Last Stand

Comedy by Pat Cook

70 pages

5 m, 5 w


"Doing a kiddie TV show is like playing the bagpipes," Uncle Neddy says. "Who knows when you make a mistake?" And whether it is hunting down an escaped snake or sawing a lady in half, he and his sidekick, Skeezix the Clown, have been at it for decades. However, when the new station manager plans to get rid of his show, it is time for action! Filled with oddball characters, from a neurotic moose-toting puppeteer to a muscle-bound yes-man, this frantic slapstick comedy races along with action on both ends of the stage. Everyone is tuning in to the final show to...

  The Taming of Judge Roy Bean

Comedy by Pat Cook

66 pages

7 m, 7 w


West Texas in the late 1800s was wild, lawless, and rife with robbers. And that just suited Judge Roy Bean right down to his socks. But when the Judge reads a dime novel about Buffalo Bill, he figures his story should be told as well. And fortunately for him, the "boys," Hank, Pete, and Ralph, have just found a reporter they want to hang. Freed from the gallows, Butler Boone agrees to write Bean's bio...but at what price? Civilization is about to descend on the little town of Langtry in the form of school marms, pushy mothers, conniving matchmakers and an occ...

  Saga of Prospector's Daughter

Melodrama by Pat Cook

71 pages

7 m, 7 w, and extras (doubling possible)


Here's a hilarious melodrama spoof whose oddball characters seemingly ad lib their way through the wildest plot ever to come down the pike. Lovely, innocent Constance Purdy is about to lose her home to that villain-about-town, Wiley Schlink. Will hero Monroe Mannerly ride to the rescue in time? Will her long-lost prospector father show up and save the day? These questions aren't really answered because we're laughing too hard at the sheriff who has a mortgage on her own jail, a medicine man who ends up in a dress, and a saloon-smashing suffragette whose ax wo...

  Saturday Night at the Drive-In Movie

Comedy by Pat Cook

71 pages

10-15 m, 10-18 w, doubling possible


It's the 1950s and you're all set for a big night at the drive-in movie! Roll down your car window, hook up the speaker, and hear the movie manager, Mr. Gleason, announce the rules to enjoy yourself, "in the comfort of your own car!" Upcoming attractions are acted out onstage, including "Time Travelers in Space Suits," as is the latest installment of a Western serial "The Adventures of Rocky Rhode." But not all the drama is coming from the big screen. Young lovers Tony and Gloria are arguing about the main feature, the scary "The Vampire's Hickey," and countr...

  Tombstone Terror Stories

Comedy Dark by Pat Cook

60 pages

Flexible cast (minimum 6)


Ever wonder why people whistle in a graveyard? Because it scares away the bogeyman. Here's a little gang of stories that, far from scaring the bogeyman away, invites him in and sets a place for him at the table! Listen, gentle reader, while the Caretaker introduces spooky tales from the haunted graveyard that will have you sitting on the edge of your seat and sometimes have you laughing out loud when some of the spectres don't behave exactly as they should. Watch as one couple decides what to do with an old uncle who vowed he'd come back from the dead, and wa...