Pat Cook

68 pages

Flexible cast of 15 to 50

Here's a comedy package of 12 yuletide sketches just perfect to give your audience for an evening's entertainment this Christmas! Everybody in the little town of Christmas is friendly and funny and you'll meet them all, including Skeezix and Sylvester, an elf comedy team that is short in stature and long in laughter; Dancer, the reindeer with a whacky sense of humor; Mrs. Claus, the REAL boss of the outfit; and a hilarious street corner Santa, tested and almost bested by one tough little kid with a sticky sucker. Also included are old favorite stories such as...

68 pages

4 m, 6 w

"I've had trouble breaking into a house before but this is the first time I've had problems breaking OUT again!" So moans Merle to his partner, Howie. These two minor-league burglars have really met their match this time, it seems. They decided on a house only to find, after managing to get into the place, that it's up for sale and before they can leave, Conrad and Glenda, prospective buyers, show up. Merle figures they have two choices - either pretend to be real estate agents or beat it, making the buyers suspect them and call in the police. Merle begins to...

65 pages

4 m, 5 w, 1 boy

Lillie Scones is a sweet retired nanny who runs a boarding house with one resident and "a cat the size of the Louisiana Purchase." Her two friends, Jocelyn and Carmella, help to pass the time by listening to music and gossiping. Then Stuart, an old charge of hers, rents a room. Lillie is tickled to have him around again, not knowing he is planning on robbing the bank on the corner. Stuart's mind may not be totally on the bank job, however, when he meets Betty. However, when Stuart finds out that Betty is about to graduate from an academy on the very night the...

69 pages

5 to 6 m, 7 w

Wouldn't it be great fun to direct William Shakespeare's "Hamlet"? That was what Margo Daley always thought...until she is hired to do just that by the Peaceful Glen Memorial Players in their theater, a renovated funeral home. They DO have a couple of conditions, however. Margo has to make the play a melodrama, so the audience will know when to throw the popcorn. And they can't be too loud because the lady who lives under the theater bangs her cane on the stage. Oh, and Margo has to insert the sponsors' names into the play and, by the way, has to take place i...

65 pages

1 m, 8 w (or 9 w)

Veronica Blather is a sweet little old lady who spends most of her time knitting and solving murders, most of which occur whenever she shows up. Understandably she has a problem finding a place to live. When her niece invites her to stay at a retirement home for old knitters, it seems ideal - until one of its members dies from drinking poisoned punch. Who did it? Was it Matilda, the president of the Crazy Quilt Club, or Lydia, who likes to die on Tuesdays? Could it be Clara, who's a compulsive liar, or the wisecracking Sarafina who doesn't trust anybody and c...

69 pages

4 m, 5 w

Missing the Christmas spirit? Has the Yuletide you up in knots? Then subscribe to the Herald Tribune, where editor J.J. Garnes makes sure he uses the holiday to his own advantage, whether it be to expose the crooked mayor or sell a few more issues with just the right angle. And he thinks he finds that angle when he receives a letter from a small boy who "don't want no more Christmases." Delilah and Sarah, Garnes' assistants, are equally cynical until they find a "Wish Moose," a Christmas ornament that grants their fondest wishes. Do they believe? It's up to B...

59 pages

6 m, 5 w

Everybody knows that whatever you need, you can find it at Hurley Squonk's general store, the Hitchin' Post. Run by Hurley himself, who is always behind the counter, this sort of "everything store" serves as a meeting place for the locals. There's Pinch Burdett, who spends all his time hawking his wife's jams and making up stories; Mrs. Bastrop, a feisty lady who got thrown out of the town's softball tournament; and Gloria, or "Glow Worm," a romantic teen who camps out at Hurley's magazine stand. But the normal, laid-back pace changes when a young couple from...

72 pages

3 m, 5 w

When Uncle George invites his whole family up for a weekend of fun at his rustic cabin, he actually wants them together so he can read his will. But between the bequeathing and his rambling stories, George drops the bomb that somewhere on the property is a suitcase holding four hundred and eighty thousand dollars! What follows is a hilarious farce of pettiness, slander, and greed. The relatives end up wrestling each other, falling down the stairs, and getting stuck in the furniture. "Yep, we're gonna have lots of fun!" says George as he's seen carrying a shov...

57 pages

3 m, 6 w

You think it's easy to write a murder? Just ask the Marquis Crossing Ladies Society for the Arts. They decide to do just that, especially when they find out they have to pay royalties to do someone else's play. "Anybody can write a murder," Emma tells the others, and Opaline immediately begins to try to strangle the other members "just to figure out how to do it." The ladies soon find themselves writing an "operatic murder mystery dinner theater with possible audience participation," providing no one sells fruit to the audience. Then two actual convicts on th...

79 pages

6 m, 10 w, much doubling possible

“So you want to commit a murder.” This is the first line in a book purchased by Myron Bernhart. And here’s a guy who knows his books since he’s collected some rare ones and proud of it. That is until his nagging wife, Marge, decides to sell them. He tries to reason with her but is argued down, not only by her but the Civic Arts League, her cronies who, of course, meet constantly at their house. When all else fails, Myron realizes it’s time to take drastic action and plans it all out. Of course, his imagination tends to wander a bit--from German psychiatrists ...

64 pages

5 m, 7 w

Heather Pallfeather is a modern-day damsel in distress whose stepfather just kicked the bucket. Or did somebody kick it for him? With this crazy family it's hard to tell! To get some straight answers she hires Jack Sparks, a private eye, to act as her fiance and accompany her to the estate for the reading of the will. Sparks thinks himself a pretty shrewd cookie...until the lights go out and he starts to crumble. Throw in the mother who gets lost in her own house, a cousin who's married to a known convict, interchangeable twins, a stepsister who's looking for...

21 pages

4 m, 2 w

It's Christmas time. An old man sits in his sitting room eating his porridge. Just then Marley bursts in and begins to rattle his chains, scaring the man half to death. You all know the story or do you? "I have come to save you from a horrible fate, Ebenezer Scrooge!" Marley shrieks. "I'm not Scrooge!" the man points out. "He moved!" Sure enough, Marley is at the wrong house. Not only the wrong house but on the wrong night. "This is Christmas eve EVE," the old man tells him. "I'm sorry, I've been dead!" Marley alibis. Then the other three ghosts show up. "Wil...