Community Theatre Full Length

65 pages

4 m, 5 w, 1 boy

Lillie Scones is a sweet retired nanny who runs a boarding house with one resident and "a cat the size of the Louisiana Purchase." Her two friends, Jocelyn and Carmella, help to pass the time by listening to music and gossiping. Then Stuart, an old charge of hers, rents a room. Lillie is tickled to have him around again, not knowing he is planning on robbing the bank on the corner. Stuart's mind may not be totally on the bank job, however, when he meets Betty. However, when Stuart finds out that Betty is about to graduate from an academy on the very night the...

72 pages

7 m, 12 w

How could a box of cornflakes almost start a world war? Writing an ad campaign for Hampton’s Medicated Cornflakes is tough, especially when you have to get paid immediately to not get evicted! That’s what faces Rosie, Max, and Sid, who hit upon the idea of quarantining their own office to keep out their demanding landlady. But when a man stumbles in, stabbed in the back, it’s a whole new ballgame. Now, nobody can leave since it’s become the scene of a crime. More police show up along with a legal secretary, a Russian travel agent, a handsome doctor, and worst...

75 pages

5 m, 7 w

Newlyweds Sam and Margaret Howard discover they are in line to inherit $3.5 million from his great-grandmother whom he has never met. But before she is willing to add them to her will she wants to meet Sam and his new wife face to face to make sure they are “worthy.” Of course, nothing goes smoothly, especially since Sam is hiding an expensive diamond necklace for his boss, two burglars mistake their home for another, and the neighbor’s vague grandmother has wandered off…and may be somewhere in their house! Their friends, Rob and Kelsey, go to extremes to hel...

63 pages

5 m, 4 w, extras

A Commedia dell'Arte troupe invades a town square on market day and performs a hilarious play. In it, two young men and their servant have come to the town to find love. And they do with two young ladies. But their father, an impoverished man, has plans to marry one to his rich, fat friend, who happens to be the father of one of the young men. The daughter would rather marry the other young man, of course. Meanwhile, a rich, widowed contessa begins to pursue the girls' father. It falls to the faithful servant to arrange all the romances, forcing him to preten...

64 pages

5 m, 5 w

"I wish just once we could have a family get-together without somebody getting tied up!" This plaintive request, yelled at the top of her lungs by Aunt Clarise, gives you a pretty good idea of how family reunions go for this particular gang. Peri has taken her husband Graham to the family lake house to finally meet the clan. And Graham was looking forward to it. That is, until he gets overcharged by the taxi service, takes a large swig from the Major's private stock and has a wax apple stuck in his mouth, only to be dislodged by a slap on the head. It's littl...

59 pages

4 m, 4 w

The Midville Community Theatre is financially strapped again! Big Earl, the director, and Bitsy, a longtime volunteer, agree they must find a hit play from the annual contest entries to fund their upcoming season. This year’s finalists include plays from a New Yorker with a big-city attitude; a nerdy, first-time playwright from Wisconsin; and a nameless but supposedly famous published playwright. But there are problems: the elderly Carlsson sisters, with their infamous hot tub history, are on the final judging committee again, and Juleelee, the mayor’s daught...

76 pages

21 characters. 6 to 8 men, 8 to 10 women,

No modern-day monster can equal the chill factor than that of Dracula and his nosferatu, the undead who must feed on the blood of the living to exist. Their lust, shown only in the darkest hours, haunts even the bravest of us mortal souls. This adaptation of Bram Stoker's 1897 novel is done with a sure and steady hand by frightmesiter L. Don Swartz. We encounter Dracula's horror from his centuries-old castle in Europe, to the ship he travels on, and finally to his new feeding grounds near an English asylum. When Dracula causes the death of a young woman named...

73 pages

9 m, 11 w

Several guests go to a remote ski lodge for a mystery weekend during which actors, posing as other guests, simulate a murder which the real guests try to solve. The event is barely under way when the host is murdered, the cable car is sabotaged, and the phone lines are cut, stranding everyone with a killer. Suddenly, a thrilling weekend becomes the height of danger. Among the guests are a famous mystery writer, a former TV detective and his starlet girlfriend, a Texas millionaire and his beauty queen wife, a couple on their honeymoon, and a mysterious bandage...

57 pages

3 m, 6 w

You think it's easy to write a murder? Just ask the Marquis Crossing Ladies Society for the Arts. They decide to do just that, especially when they find out they have to pay royalties to do someone else's play. "Anybody can write a murder," Emma tells the others, and Opaline immediately begins to try to strangle the other members "just to figure out how to do it." The ladies soon find themselves writing an "operatic murder mystery dinner theater with possible audience participation," providing no one sells fruit to the audience. Then two actual convicts on th...

75 pages

7 m, 6 w

Have you ever wanted to stay in an old, drafty English manor with a serial murderer and a ghost running loose in the dark? Who hasn't? Houndstooth Manor simply abounds with atmosphere. "We're lousy with it," the butler intones as he casts a suspicious eye over the paying guests, wondering who is next to be murdered. Will it be the pompous, retired Major who's always going on about how he stopped some uprising "with just a few well-chosen words and a flame thrower." Or maybe the honeymooning couple who know more than they'd like you to believe. Or maybe the fo...

63 pages

6 m, 7 w

See the butler and maid help the Cummings pack. See the butler and maid escort the Cummings out the door. See the butler and maid turn to each other and embrace because they are actually two aspiring actors, Billy and Wendy, who now have the Cummings estate to themselves! One week of acting rich! Unfortunately for them, they won't be alone and they aren't the only ones acting. For all kinds of weird and hilarious reasons, the neighbor is posing as a cleaning lady; the Cummings' daughter is acting like a family friend; the jewel thief is acting like a long-los...

72 pages

3 m, 4 w

Here is a sweet comedy featuring a social-climbing sister who tries to keep her visiting country sister from embarrassing her among her new society friends. Meet Millicent and Coreen – two girls who grew up in Bullfrog Waller. Millicent is now a big-city snob. Her sister, Coreen, on the other hand, chose to stay in the country…until now! How can Millicent keep her embarrassing past a secret when Coreen, as country as cornbread and grits, shows up spouting her backwoods sentiments to everyone at Millicent's party? Frantic, Millicent decides to pass Coreen off ...

72 pages

6 m, 6 w

This funny, fast-paced farce begins in 1933, at the end of Prohibition. Benito “Benny” Bellarosa, a New York gangster, is attempting to make good on his promise to become a respectable businessman and join the board of the New York Bank and Trust. Meanwhile, his rebellious daughter Rosalie concocts a plan to free herself from the confines of her room. She leads Benny to believe that she is “in the family way,” hoping he will allow her to leave the house and marry her boyfriend. Unfortunately, Rosalie’s lover disappears and Benny is left with more suitors (and...

58 pages

4 m, 3 w, extras

Two old grumpy Polish ladies, Lottie and Bernice, become trapped in a television studio by a blizzard and end up taking over Western New York’s favorite morning show “Buffalo Yak.” Well, they do have some help. Two constantly bickering janitors, Hal and Sal, agree to handle the editorials while Candy Bickel, a wildly ambitious station intern who sees the blizzard as her break into media stardom, takes over the news desk. Neurotic program director Virgil Mooch tries to help, despite the fact that being on-camera makes him throw up. Lloyd Block, the station man...

65 pages

Large, flexible cast

In Act One, "Voices From the Titanic," the stage comes alive with the passengers and crew who address the audience directly. We see the magnificent, "almost unsinkable" ship through the eyes of both the first-class and third-class passengers. When the ship's lookout, Frederick Fleet, spots the iceberg, all the officers are called upon to carry out the most dreaded command Capt. Smith ever had to issue: "Get the lifeboats ready!" The ending is an emotional powerhouse as the cast recites name after name of those who survived ... and those who did not. In Act Tw...

61 pages

5 m, 6 w

Ideal comedy for community theatres! Ned is the 30-ish son of Ma and Pa Boodle whose efforts to introduce girlfriends to his family don't turn out very well. His family is somewhat "colorful"-his mother is a June Cleaver type at her homiest; his father is pretty clueless his grandpa manages a cat (rescue) house; and his sister Lulu is a hypochondriac with an equally germ-o-phobic boyfriend, Luke. Also there's the ever-helpful Jack, who resides in a cardboard appliance box in the middle of the Boodle living room, and the neighbor, Mrs. Doodah-Doodah. But Ned's...

72 pages

3 m, 5 w

When Uncle George invites his whole family up for a weekend of fun at his rustic cabin, he actually wants them together so he can read his will. But between the bequeathing and his rambling stories, George drops the bomb that somewhere on the property is a suitcase holding four hundred and eighty thousand dollars! What follows is a hilarious farce of pettiness, slander, and greed. The relatives end up wrestling each other, falling down the stairs, and getting stuck in the furniture. "Yep, we're gonna have lots of fun!" says George as he's seen carrying a shov...

84 pages

5 m, 6 w, 1 boy, 1 girl, 4 extra children, doubling possible.

Champion marigold horticulturist, neighborhood snoop, and generally nasty human being Leona Crump is back! Nine years earlier, she was tricked into selling her home and nearly ousted from her neighborhood as the result of an elaborate charade instigated by her friends and foes. But now, finally, her old house is on the market, and Leona is determined to move back home. Unfortunately, the real estate agent has been instructed to never sell the house back to Leona. Reluctantly, Leona partners with her estranged sister Francine (who has her own agenda), and the ...

68 pages

3 m, 2 w

Dr. Jack Ramsay, an obstetrician/gynecologist, is "going bare," that is, going without insurance coverage to avoid paying outrageous malpractice premiums. When he is hit with a frivolous lawsuit to the tune of $4.2 million, Jack and his devoted wife, Barbara, conspire to get a divorce that puts all their assets into her name. "You'll be too poor to sue because I'll have all your money," she chirps. Possibly a destitute doctor will discourage the plaintiff's attorney from pursuing a large settlement. Jack loves the idea and so the divorce plans proceed over th...

69 pages

1 m, 6 w

"If there's any skeletons in the closet, I'll find them!" states Angie, who then opens a closet and has a skeleton literally fly in her face. This is one of the many surprises that faces the undercover police woman who just took on a job as a "domestic engineer," hired by Dr. Hugh Bernard to "find out what's going on." Five elderly spinsters live in the same house and all, apparently, hate each other. And what a group. There's Evelyn, who keeps acting out death scenes for Fiona, who's writing some sort of novel. Then there's Catherine, who keeps alluding to h...

70 pages

3 m, 5 w

The director of the Moon Lake Community Theater, Missy Bailey, has dreamed about directing a production of a 1930s psychological melodrama called “Night Comes Early.” As a teenager she saw a professional production of the play and it had a lasting impact. Now that the opportunity has come, she encounters overwhelming obstacles: cast members who don’t know their lines, who drop out at the last minute, who have psychological issues, and workmen who can’t finish building the set. No one is ready on opening night, but the show must go on, even without enough acto...

72 pages

5 m, 4 w, 1 girl, 1 male voice-over

KOLD Radio is located in a corner of Carl and Lena's Place for Beer in a small Minnesota town near the Canadian border. Lars Knudsen is the host of a radio show called "Crappie Talk," devoted entirely to ice fishing for crappies. Because it is a somewhat narrow subject, Lars has no listeners, so he loses his only advertiser, Ole's Bait Mart and Deer Petting Farm. Martha Bjorklund, Lars' unrequited love interest, hosts "Book Beat." She has all the listeners, and all the advertisers. Lars has issues with Martha ever since she beat him in the 50-yard dash in 6th...

72 pages

5 m, 6 w, extras as campaigners

Politics can be murder! It's election night and all the friends and supporters of mayoral candidate Matthew Kensington are throwing him a surprise birthday/campaign party. But there's one surprise no one suspects. An aide is found stabbed in the back with the birthday cake knife! Clues and suspects abound in this frenetic political satire that leaves the audience wondering just who they CAN trust. Great fun for all, with campaigners canvassing the audience as to whom they'll vote for. Not only can the audience question the suspects, but they even get to vote ...

68 pages

4 m, 5 w

This zany comedy, in the spirit of Kaufman and Hart, centers on Doc, an eccentric old man whose house caters to all sorts of characters. Now a retired judge, he spends his days “enjoying life.” When he’s not flying around the countryside in his balloon or fishing in a nearby dry riverbed, he works on his books of nonsense. This prompts his daughter, Charlotte, to decide he’s lost his marbles. So, conspiring with a sly lawyer, she plans to not only become his guardian but also sell his house and property. Throw in a psychologist on her first case, love sick te...

65 pages

1 m, 8 w (or 9 w)

Veronica Blather is a sweet little old lady who spends most of her time knitting and solving murders, most of which occur whenever she shows up. Understandably she has a problem finding a place to live. When her niece invites her to stay at a retirement home for old knitters, it seems ideal - until one of its members dies from drinking poisoned punch. Who did it? Was it Matilda, the president of the Crazy Quilt Club, or Lydia, who likes to die on Tuesdays? Could it be Clara, who's a compulsive liar, or the wisecracking Sarafina who doesn't trust anybody and c...

83 pages

3 m and 7 w (With optional extended ending: 7 m and 8 w)

Penny Ramsey is a young woman who, like all of us, has different sides to her personality. They are personified in the story by comically stereotypical characters, collectively known as the Egos. The five Egos make up her decision-making process, which gets a lot more complicated when Penny overhears only one side of her boyfriend Matt’s phone conversation and believes he has betrayed her. It’s a stressful time for Penny, made even more confusing by the introduction of a potential new suitor named Rick and the nosy involvement of Penny’s mother (and Matt’s bo...

79 pages

3 m, 3 w

Randolph Gaston has been murdered, and everybody is after the insurance money (including the deceased). The characters we meet are the grieving widow, the girl next door, the family maid, the minister, the French inspector, and the confused boyfriend -- BUT everyone isn't necessarily who they seem to be. A series of double (and double-double) crosses, mistaken identities, fake accents, hidden bodies, and phony mustaches all add up to a completely intriguing comedy.

71 pages

4 m, 5 w, 1 flexible, optional 1 boy

Armed with a sharply judgmental attitude and a pair of binoculars, homeowner Leona Crump is consumed with anxiety over her new neighbors. Will they be California beatniks? Or paroled drug pushers? Or more frightening yet, perhaps someone with children?! Her worst fears are realized when an odd-ball "hill-folk" family move in across the street. She quickly realizes that neither God, nor her favorite telephone psychic, has prepared her for the series of showdowns set to take place in her living room. Gafina Hambefferschmidt, an obnoxious, gum-chewing woman, tog...

36 pages

3 m, 3 w

Amy Westmond and her husband Floyd, along with his brother and father who comprise a country music group, return to Amy’s home church. They reminisce and catch up on the gossip with Marie, the church’s housekeeper, and Betty, the choir director, who inspired Amy earlier but now seems to have somewhat of an attitude. The Westmonds are told that a search committee will be there for the evening hymn-sing to try to lure the church’s beloved pastor away. With the unseen organist who communicates through charades, they form a plan—a fake pastor and fake service! Ll...

80 pages

6 m, 10 w, 2 flexible

Flashback to 1955, the stormy evening before the 33rd annual Knotting Bake-Off, brought to you by J & J Toothpaste. The contestants have gathered at the Knotting Inn down at the Jersey Shore, each hoping that their perfectly crafted baked good will win the coveted blue ribbon. It seems someone’s dessert is more deadly than tasty, though, when they discover an entire gaggle of bratty students have been poisoned during a press conference. It is clear that someone at the inn has a sweet tooth for murder. But who could the culprit be? The egotistical bake-off...