Burton Bumgarner

Burton Bumgarner grew up in North Carolina, where he now lives and works as a musician. He earned an undergraduate degree in music from Greensboro College, and a Master of Music degree from Southern Methodist University. He began writing plays in 1994. He is a four-time winner of the Robert J. Pickering Award for Playwriting from the Coldwater (MI) Community Theater, and in 2004 he won the McLaren Memorial Comedy Playwriting Award from the Midland (TX) Community Theater. A member of the Dramatist Guild of America, Burton has over 80 scripts (comedies, dramas, one acts and 10 minute scripts ) in publication.

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  Lunch

Comedy by Burton Bumgarner

29 pages

4 m, 5 w


George and Dana each had such high hopes for their high school popularity and love life back when they were in junior high. But the reality is they now have their lunch stolen every day and are subjected to catty comments by the sports jocks and cheerleaders. Laugh and cheer as George and Dana's daydreams for wild success come alive as they imagine themselves as successful business people, Nobel Prize-winning scientists, famous actors and authors, and secret CIA operatives foiling hijacking attempts. Meanwhile, their tormentors' biggest achievement is to memo...

  Time to Heal

Drama by Burton Bumgarner

57 pages

Multi-racial cast of 7 m, 7 w, 6 flexible


Jim and Lillian Fowler are having a dinner party to welcome their daughter home from college and meet her fiance. Lillian's brother, Walt, a physician, is also there, even though he and Jim get under each other's skins, especially when Walt needles Jim about losing a recent election to become prosecutor because of his conservative racial views. When Janice and her fiance David arrive, the strain increases as the idealistic young law student from "up North" treats the Wycrofts, the family who works for the Fowlers, as equals. The Wycrofts are already uneasy, f...

  All Hallows' Eve

Suspense Terror by Burton Bumgarner

52 pages

Flexible casting


Adapted from tales by Catherine Wells, Guy de Maupassant, and W.W. Jacobs. Three terrifying tales are set on or around Halloween in a New York brownstone. In "The Actor," (2 m, 3 w, 1 flexible), a young girl, who lives with her eccentric parents in a house rumored to be haunted, asks a famous actor to frighten her by portraying the house ghost at a Halloween party. She gets a lot more than she bargained for when she is truly frightened out of her wits. In "The Hand," (3 m, 3 w, 4 non-speaking), an arrogant hunter has his prized trophy mounted on the wall of h...

  Annoying Angels

Comedy by Burton Bumgarner

39 pages

Approx. 10 m, 10 w, much doubling possible


Frankie meets his end in an act of wanton cowardice. This offense isn't bad enough to send him to the basement, but he isn't good enough for the attic. He is assigned to Angie the Angel in the "Situation Re-Modification Department." He is given three chances to try to correct something in history that didn't go the way it was supposed to go. He messes up all three chances, but is offered a fourth chance by Herman, Angie's boss. With this one, the toughest of them all, he succeeds.

  Frump Tales

Comedy by Burton Bumgarner

37 pages

1 m, 3 w, 13 flexible


Mega-millionaire Ronald Frump (known as "The Ronald"), a tough businessman, has purchased a company called All the Fairy Tales in the World, Inc., and it isn't making a profit. With the assistance of his loyal (and wimpy) secretary, Miss Filposh, he brings in a group of recent college graduates to try and spice up the story of "Little Red Riding Hood." The graduates use "Macbeth" as the basis of their version and arrive at "Macwolf." Unfortunately Little Red, now a tough Jersey girl, isn't afraid of anything, and the tale falls flat. Next, Frump brings in a g...

  Schartz-Metterklume Method

Classic by Burton Bumgarner

30 pages

With doubling 3 m, 7 w


Adapted by Burton Bumgarner From the short story by H.H. Munro (Saki). Here is a delicious tale of conventional manners and expectations turned topsy-turvy. When an upper-class family goes to meet their new English governess, they mistakenly bring home Lady Carlotta. Her eccentricities at first delight the parents, whose four children have been the cause of past governesses' psychological breakdowns. The mother likes the idea of education being interesting and relevant to children; the father prefers discipline. Carlotta claims to teach by the "Schartz-Metter...

  Sidelines

Comedy by Burton Bumgarner

32 pages

5 m, 7 w


Dr. Jennings has always dreamed of life as a country doctor, but life in a town without an espresso machine horrifies his family. These tensions peak when the family attends the local 4th of July parade, a staple of small town life. Viewing the "parade" from curbside as it passes, the family lists the many sins and failings of the unsophisticated townsfolk, some of which seem deserved. But the natives aren't too pleased with the way the big city folk are treating them, either. In the end, the Jennings find comfort in the hospitality a small town offers and th...

  Blind Spot

Classic by Burton Bumgarner

34 pages

6 m, 5 w, 1 flexible, doubling possible


Based on the story by H.H. Munro (Saki). Wealthy Uncle Lulworth eagerly awaits the next meal from his uncommonly skilled, but foul-tempered cook, Mrs. Sebastian. His niece, Ellen, visits him shortly before dinner after their aunt's funeral. As executor of the estate, Ellen has run across a series of letters to the aunt from another relative, Uncle Peter, who died years earlier under mysterious circumstances. Through re-enactments based on the letters, we learn Uncle Peter was a despicable human being and was probably killed by a "common" criminal, perhaps som...

  Cats, Cooks and Chaos Three Stories by Saki

Comedy Satire by Burton Bumgarner

85 pages

Flexible cast


Author H.H. Munro, also known as Saki, wrote about upperclass English society before the first World War and satirized its foibles with dark humor and acid wit. Playwright Burton Bumgarner has updated and Americanized three of Saki's stories, dramatizing their impish ironies, exquisite mischief, and O'Henry-like twist endings. All three stories, which are played before one basic living room set, may be presented for a full evening's entertainment, or each can be presented separately. (See individual listings in the One-Act Section.)

  Christmas Pageant Present

Holiday Play by Burton Bumgarner

50 pages

5 m, 9 w, 2 boys, 1 girl, extras


It's frantic in the Albert home. Mom is trying to direct a Christmas pageant that no one wants to be in. Dad, an obstetrician, is hoping he doesn't have to deliver any babies the night of the pageant so that he can attend. David, 12, is trying to avoid Victoria Monroe, the meanest girl in town, who insists she play Mary to his Joseph so that they can hold hands. Molly, 15, is worried and guilty when her dreaded math teacher, Miss Morris, informs her mom just how far Molly and her friends have begun harassing the new girl, Darlene. But some special Christmas m...

  Final Exam

Drama by Burton Bumgarner

41 pages

5 m, 6 w


What would you do if you were faced with a former teacher you loathed? Ever-optimistic Tammy Davis gives a party for Florence Furtney, the despot who taught senior English at Central High School for 40 years. Only a few former students show up for the party and then only to see if time has rendered the dreaded teacher harmless. Some want to tell her off, some want to ignore her, one wants to kill her! One by one, as the former students sit in an old desk, Miss Furtney comes to life and tells them why she acted as she did. All come away with a different view o...

  Picture of Christmas

Holiday Play by Burton Bumgarner

63 pages

8 m, 7 w, 1 boy, 1 girl, extras


Jack Thompson's kids are fighting non-stop this Christmas. Yet the season holds wonderful memories for Jack. He relates the story of his family's magical Christmas back in 1965 when life could not be worse. The stage comes alive with Jack, now 13, with his dad about to lose his business. Mom is worried about the two girls they are sheltering from an abusive home. Grandma, newly widowed, has come to live with them while irresponsible Aunt Hilda and her over-pampered son, Little Claude, arrive for an extended visit. Jack's older sister, Corrie, has a boyfriend ...